The Trials and Tribulations of a High Society Shinigami
by Nemesis13
Summary: Duo was a very caring woman, an open book so to speak, always there to help those that needed it with a smile on hand. The problem was she was surrounded by insane men who needed to be watched over like kids and her fellow women left her to it. Resigning herself to being the team mom Duo did her best, but she hadn't planned on Heero admitting he loved her. Things are weird now...
1. Gundam Pilots Shouldn't Drink

**So do you know what happens when you have an enabling friend who gleefully stokes your whims when you get a crazy idea in your head that they happen to like?**

 **This. This is what happens when Lady Lily Anne doesn't stop Nemesis13's muse from indulging in intoxicating substances, and instead offers another bottle to the _obviously_ inebriated muse.**

 **This is a new one, Fem!Duo in a non-chronological series of drabbles where her changed sex makes things take a hard left turn. Will end up 1X2 and 3X4 for sure, along with Treize using Duo as M** **ariemaia's babysitter, Une making it a life goal to make a lady out of her, Zechs calling her in the middle of the night to explain Relena and Noin's behavior, and playing shrink for the other Gundam pilots.**

 **Sometimes being the only sane woman in an insane world just does not pay off. Howard is laughing his ass off in the background.** **Do enjoy.**

* * *

Duo Maxwell was sleeping soundly wrapped in layers of blankets with classic rock playing gently in the background when her housemate rather rudely slammed her bedroom door open and pushed her out of bed without preamble. Sitting up from the floor Duo spent a few frantic moments untangling herself from her blankets until she finally got her bearings and stood tall pistol in hand.

Blinking rapidly she eventually realized that it was Hilde scowling at her in the light leaking from the open doorway, sighing Duo put her gun back on the side table cocking a hip to the side while raising her right brow, "Alrighty Hils what the literal fuck was that for?"

Hilde crossed her arms and huffed while jerking her head towards the sitting room, "Your crazy not boyfriend just showed up drunk and despondent, he's now passed out on the couch, deal with it."

Duo frowned at that as she began picking through her dresser for a pair of pants, "Not boyfriend? Seriously Hilde I'm like the team mom for seven or eight guys so you're gonna have to narrow this down."

"The suicidal one," she huffed out in reply.

Duo didn't even pause as she returned with, "Not narrowing it down babe."

"The one who actually almost pulled it off yet somehow survived being at ground zero of a fusion reactor cooking off."

"Ah, Heero... Christ almighty it must have been another Relena fight. Seriously that woman is just..."

Hilde leaned against the door frame as her best friend hopped about the room trying to pull on a pair of skinny jeans while drawling out, "Batshit crazy? I mean how many times has he point blank told her he was gonna off her?"

Letting out a cry of success, Duo buttoned her pants while turning to her partner in crime, "Err...six that I know of that he actually meant it, now I think it's kinda like their safe word or whatever. Kinky. Anyway how drunk is he?"

"Wufei at Quatre and Trowa's wedding night."

"Well, fuck."

"Yup," Hilde probably hadn't needed to cheerfully pop the 'p' like that, but it was what it was.

Stepping out of her room Duo leaned against the wall for a moment to slip on a pair of socks then quickly entered the sitting room, and true enough sprawled out on the rather nice leather couch Hilde had scored them was her friend and fellow Gundam pilot Heero Yuy.

"Least you look pretty in a suit, despite how wrinkled it is," she muttered to herself before poking him in the forehead repeatedly garnering no response from the Japanese pilot.

"Good lord man how much did you drink and _why_? Ugh, whatever."

With a sigh she plopped down on her friend earning herself a grunt in the process as she lifted the remote and turned the TV on."

" _-firmation that no one was in fact harmed in the crash. The shuttle in question was apparently stolen from Brussels on a false diplomatic visa and several dozen regulations where violated in its launching. The destruction caused by its 'landing', if one can call it that, has already reached the hundreds of thousands. No one has managed to get an image of the pilot who caused this catastrophe however, outside of the CCTV camera feed of a normal suited man giving the middle finger to the wreck in question, no one knows who this madman is."_

Turning her gaze to Heero, Duo could only shake her head slowly in exasperation.

"This is why you always have me drive, ya can't land a damn thing without crashing it into something else. Starting a insurrection against the Alliance, get suplexed by a Leo and end up crashing yer Gundam into the pacific. Try infiltrating Libra and ya crash a damn carrier into the thing, go to get ice cream and wreck yer stalker girlfriend's dead dad's car into the freaking dining room. Seriously Heero what am I going to do with you?"

"Get rid of that pink thing for me, please?" He asked in a plaintive tone that was the closest thing to hopeful she had ever heard from the stoic man.

Consciousness now confirmed Duo blithely stated, "She's too important. Unfortunately. Sorry bro, yer boned."

"Damn it," He slurred as his head dropped back down to the couch. Duo shifted about a bit causing Heero to groan in discomfort as she propped an elbow on his sternum giving him an appraising look before replying.

"Ya know, no one ever said ya had to date the woman, I mean really Qatty and I have bets on when you'll actually go through with your threats to kill her and all so it isn't like it'll surprise anyone. Oh, if ya _do_ decide to go through with it though, make it sometime around April, the pots big enough where I could probably live off of it for the next twenty years."

Heero groaned again as he took a half hearted swipe at his friend who easily leaned back from the blow, "You're a real bitch sometimes you know that right?"

Duo smirked at that while nodding, "Considering my introduction to you was shooting you _twice_ I figured you'd think as much."

"They were just grazes," he muttered turning his head to the side.

"Still hit ya buddy, so they count."

"I hate you."

"Yup, beer or tea?"

"Beer, please."

A few minutes later the pair of Gundam pilots were sitting at the kitchen table, while Hilde fried a few eggs to force down Heero's throat to make sure he had something other than liquor in his stomach.

"So lemme get this straight," Duo began while sipping her beer tilting her head to the side, "Dorothy showed up, started flirting with Relena, and that somehow ended up with the crazy bitch...that is Relena, not Dorothy, demanding an engagement ring from you?"

"Dorothy was quite surprised by this as well," Heero replied tersely before taking a swig from his beer, "I only found out we had been 'dating' a week beforehand keep in mind."

Duo facepalmed as she shook her head in exasperation, "Bro you are seriously like, the most socially retarded person I have ever met, for reals here."

Heero scowled a moment before turning back to his friend, "What about Trowa?"

"He has amnesia, and is also my cuddle buddy and enjoys it, so he doesn't count. Besides which, even if he is socially retarded, he can at least fake knowing the proper social cues. You either can't or won't, and I really honestly can't decide which is sadder."

Heero didn't reply, Hilde placed a plate of eggs in front of him and he ate them mechanically, accepting a fresh beer from Duo without word. They sat in silence for well over ten minutes, which was practically torture for the extroverted woman when her friend finally spoke.

"I don't love Relena."

"No. Fucking. Shit." Was Duo's response as she killed her beer and tossed the bottle over her shoulder towards the recycling bin without looking, the *click clank* that followed let her know she had hit her target. Being amazing was kinda awesome.

"So...what do I do about it?"

Duo eyed her friend a few moments before glancing towards Hilde who shrugged lightly in turn, "Say you knocked some other chick up? I mean I really haven't got a clue what to tell you bro that woman ain't normal by any stretch of the imagination. Rational ain't exactly on the menu ya know?"

Heero was quiet for several minutes, which Hilde spent cleaning up the mess she'd made cooking while Duo leaned back in her chair, feet thrown up on the table as she whistled in an out of tune manner. Eventually Heero stirred, and met Duo's gaze evenly as he finally spoke.

"I need you to have my baby." Hilde made a choking sound as Duo fell out of her chair landing flat on her back gasping out in pain.

Shooting to her feet while rubbing her bruised back the now blushing woman stared at Heero in disbelief while stammering out, "Wh-wh-what?! IDIOT! Why would you say something like that!?"

Heero looked oddly smug as he nodded to himself, "You're the only woman Relena would believe I had previous sexual relations with that she is also equally terrified of. It would be...an effective deterrent."

Duo stared at her friend a few moments before screeching out, "You want me to pretend I let you knock me up because your crazy stalker girlfriend is scared of me?!"

Heero nodded, "Essentially."

Before Duo could respond Hilde left the room cackling, "Oh god I have to go tell Quatre about this!"

"Wait don't you say shit to anyone about this bitch!" Was all Duo managed to strangle out as her friends extended middle finger slipped around the corner. Stepping forward to stop what would inevitably be a carnival of chaotic idiocy Duo was stopped by Heero who wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close.

Duo resisted the urge to break his arm, being fully aware her friend was still very drunk and thus not in complete control of his faculties but it was his following actions that truly made her freeze up.

Burying his nose into her thick chocolate brown hair Heero inhaled deeply before muttering, "You smell so...pretty..." And with that his grip loosened and he fell to the floor in a heap.

Duo stared down at her friend a few moments before sighing to herself in exasperation, "And now...things have gotten weird...yaaaay me..."

* * *

 **Duo just can't win can she? I think I made the gender bending believable on this one, she's still the same incredibly friendly and terrifyingly competent terrorist her male counterpart was, she's just more approachable now. Much to her annoyance, I'm seriously looking forward to her interactions with Treize, and Lily has soooo many ideas for Une making her a proper Lady, it's gonna be great. Hope you enjoyed, please review!**


	2. Unexpected Revelations

_**Ok this is the first flashback drabble, it takes place during Episode Nine when Duo and Heero were posing as students, enjoy!**_

* * *

 **After Colony 195**

Heero did his best to ignore his temporary roommate and fellow Gundam pilot as the energetic teen kept ribbing him about Relena's surprise arrival in the aftermath of their basketball game. Really, why he found Heero's discomfort so amusing was quite simply lost on the young man, and he decided to voice as much.

"Duo, aside from you obviously enjoying the sound of your own voice, _why_ are you so fixated on my current situation?"

His companion grinned while letting out snicker, "Gee, the girl who you were threatening to shoot in the damn face, was saved by yours truly, then proceeded to bandage you up after the fact hunts you down halfway across the world and your only response to her arrival is a blank stare. Now, I'm not one to beat a dead horse-"

"Yes you are," Heero seethed in annoyance.

Duo continued as if he hadn't spoken, "-but in the circles I run in 'I'll kill you' is not a phrase one usually uses to show their interest in a young lady."

"I'm _not_ interested in her Duo," his companion further perplexed him by nodding in agreement.

"Obviously, you may feel oddly protective of her for reasons that elude you, sure, but showing actual interest in a romantic relationship, nope. So that begs the question, why is she stalking you across the world...and how...the how is what has me a bit lost..."

As they arrived at their dorm Heero let out a huff that seemed to confirm his own interest in this question as he slid his card key across the reader.

Door opening he turned to Duo while raising a single brow, "I have no idea and that is..."

"Disturbing?"

"Concerning," Heero corrected as he pushed the door open soon followed by Duo who rolled his eye while slamming it behind him.

"Yeah, to-may-toh, to-ma-toh, ugh whatever. Anyway dibs on the shower, I wanna get cleaned up and do a recon on the base before we proceed to make it all explodified. Wanna make a bet on which one of us wrecks it first?" With that he shucked off his shirt, and as Heero glanced up to respond he made a choking noise when he saw Duo's chest.

Duo for her part frowned at her fellow pilot as she tossed her shirt into the dirty clothes hamper, digging through her dresser she glanced back at the still wide eyed young man who was now making a high pitched noise audible only to dogs.

"Dude, what's wrong?"

Her voice seemed to finally snap him out of his reverie seeing as he quickly pointed at her sports bra clad chest, "You're a girl!"

Duo really didn't know what to say to that at first, either being insulted that she apparently wasn't feminine enough to be recognized as a woman, or complemented that her disguise was so well done that mister perfect soldier hadn't noticed.

She decided to go for the middle ground.

"You're a dork you know that right?" Heero just dropped his arm and tilted his head to the side still staring at her exposed torso, now feeling self conscious she pulled on a t-shirt and fell on her bed.

"Why?" He eventually asked, Duo began rubbing the sides of her head feeling a migraine coming on.

"Why what?"

"Why are you pretending to be male?"

At that she let out a disparaging snort, "Have you ever actually had to hang out with teenage girls for an extended period of time?"

Heero shook his head in the negative, "Outside of interactions during missions no, and that's involved you shooting me twice and Relena's apparently innate stalking abilities."

"You broke up Deathscythe to steal parts I would have given you asshole!" She spat back in annoyance.

"You shot me _twice._ "

"Just grazes, didn't count, and besides I broke you out of jail afterwards so meh, even."

Heero kept shooting her a cockeyed look before he finally replied, "You've been pretending to be male much longer than our current mission, haven't you?"

Her face clouded over a moment before kicking her legs out quickly landing on her feet, turning to her dresser she grabbed a change of clothes and walked towards their small bathroom.

Heero thought she was going to ignore him further but eventually she sighed and dropped her head in resignation, "Solo always told me it was safer for pretty little girls to pretend they were little boys if they were going to survive on the street. He wasn't wrong, and I have no regrets following his advice."

With that she slammed the door behind her leaving Heero to his now confused thoughts.


	3. Babysitter on Speed Dial

**Another drabble taking place two years before the first chapter, do enjoy!**

* * *

 _ **After Colony 197**_

Duo was fiddling around with with the diagnostic program on the space Leo she was reconstructing when her mobile began ringing, sighing she turned away from the project to snag the tethered phone from above her and fumbled for the 'Answer' icon.

Mobile Suit repair was a rather...intensive project for only two women when done in gravity, no matter how mechanically inclined they were, hence the necessity of the zero-g hanger and its dozens of tied down tools. At one point Noin had taken one look at the forest of floating hardware and simply walked away muttering something about insane Gundam pilots and their strange habits not being her problem.

Whatever, it worked for Duo and Hilde so no one else's opinion mattered in the end really.

Bringing the phone to her ear she chirped out, "Ello you've reached Schbeiker and Maxwell Salvage and Reconstruction, how can I help you?"

"Agent Spirit, good to hear you as lively as ever, how are you?"

Crap, "Err...President Khushrenada, good to hear from you, I think? I'm doing fine I guess, been making a killing off of rebuilding old combat model Leo's and stripping the military equipment out of them so civilians can use them for construction purposes."

Fun fact civilian ball pods may be cheaper for colony maintenance in the short term, but they also sucked at everything they did. Thus Duo's most recent cash cow since it ended up she happened to know where _alot_ of Leos had gotten wrecked.

Ah capitalism at its best.

"That's good to hear Duo, I suppose though that you realized already this wasn't a social call."

The phrase 'No shit' popped into the Deathscythe's pilot's head but she bit her tongue on that one and instead replied with, "Yeah I figured as much, what's up?"

Treize sighed, "I...am in the need of your services for roughly a week."

Well that was no big deal really, considering past missions. "S'why you and the Lady made me a Preventer, what colony cluster am I heading out to? Another idiot find a Doll factory and declare themselves the next great space revolutionary?"

Her boss laughed at that, "Oh nothing quite like that. No, rather I've had a series of death threats as of late that the Preventers think may actually hold some merit so I would like you to watch my daughter for a few days. I can't think of any place more safe for her then with her favorite savior."

Duo blanched, great...her fangirl was coming for a visit.

Mariemaia Khushrenada was a nine year old genius who, thanks to Duo, had been saved from her insane grandfather a year prior and thus had latched onto the woman as her guiding light.

Problem was? Duo wasn't all that ok with being the role model for a super genius megalomaniac little girl. Problem with that? She wasn't given a choice because her boss was said girls father, and his girlfriend and said child's stepmom found the situation funny.

Bastards.

"That sounds...great..." Glancing about the hanger Duo came to a rather horrific conclusion.

Aside from the Deathscythe, which none outside of Hilde and the Preventers knew still existed, was available for immediate escape. She was, effectively, screwed, and had no choice but to babysit a miniature tyrant.

"I'm getting tipped for this right?" It sounded a bit like a petulant whine but he ignored the tone to at the very least preserve her dignity.

Regardless of that Treize's smirk was practically palpable, "I was thinking of a short range mega-particle cannon for your suit. You know, in case of close in situations."

Well...playboy knew what the ladies wanted at the very least.

"Fine, but you better send snacks with her, and I mean pizzas and taquitos too!"

Treize laughed at that, "Far be it from me to forget that one of my best operatives is a complete and utter cheapskate. Talk to you soon." With that he hung up and Duo could only roll her eyes as she let the phone drift away. A few moments later she snatched it back into her hand and hit the speed dial.

"What is the situation." The monotone voice only made her grin as she let the limited gravity let her go and drifted off the floor.

"I'm bored."

Heero remained silent for several seconds before finally replying, "What?"

"I. Am bored. I'm getting stuck with babysitting detail for the next week and I wanna go have some fun till then, think you can hit L2 for a couple days?"

There was silence on the other end of the line for a time before Heero finally responded, "I'm...unsure, I have duties to take care of here, and-"

"Fine whatever," Duo said with a wave of her hand, "-didn't mean to make a deal out of it, I'll talk to you later, bye."

As she motioned to turn her phone off she heard a muffled 'Wait!', curious she brought the device back to her ear.

"What?" A few more moments of silence then eventually, a reply.

"Yes, I'll be at L2 to keep you company for a few days, but no more than that."

Duo grinned brightly at this revelation, "Bitch'in! Hilde has this recipe for a new avocado dip I think you'll like so before Treize's brat shows up we can go out on the town!"

Heero was silent for a few moments before he replied, sounding slightly amused, "It's a date."

* * *

 **A point to be made clear, this story isn't like any of my dozens of others. This is one for Lily and myself to enjoy and just...have fun without worrying about reader feedback. If this thing takes a turn you don't like, I respect and understand that, but it isn't going to effect anything really. We're writing this one for us because we're overly romantic nerds who like giant robots blowing shit up between the cute scenes.**

 **As always, if you wanna review? Please do, we'll take it into due consideration, but for once, we're just doing what we want because it is fun.**


	4. Valentines for the Romantically Inept

**Slightly belated Valentines Edition that was mostly Lily's brainchild, my fault it didn't get posted yesterday, very late day of work and passed out before I could edit it. Regardless, enjoy, and if you so wish please review.**

 **Oh and this is the continuation of the chapter where they are rooming together during 195 right after Heero found out Duo was a girl, just to avoid confusion since we're jumping all over the timeline.**

* * *

 _ **Valentines Day, After Colony 195**_

Duo's shower had taken as long as it always did unfortunately, the price a girl pays for having so much hair that they actually like pampering, and apparently she had taken long enough for Heero to get bored and leave their dorm room.

Sighing she threw on a tank top and shorts before wrapping her still wet hair in a towel before plopping on her bed. She stared at the ceiling idly for roughly two minutes before coming to a decision.

"Yup, I'm bored."

With that she booted up her laptop and pulled herself up into a sitting position while staring at her open browser, now what to do?

"Well, can't reconnoiter the base till night fall, so maybe just watch videos till I pass out? Boring, wonder what Heero's stalker looks up when she's bored... Maybe how to get over the fact that he's just not that into you? Nah... Obviously been avoiding that advice..."

Pondering that a moment a thought occurred that caused her to grin, Heh, alright.

Clicking the search box she quickly typed in _'How do you help keep your friend safe from clingy stalker wannabe girlfriends?'_ Hitting 'Enter' she leaned back and of all things Valentines Day adverts popped up.

"Oh... K..." Raising an incredulous brow she sifted through the completely unrelated links vaguely wondering who was tagging all this nonsense when something caught her eye.

"Huh, Valentines traditions around the Earth Sphere, why not." Most of it was just superfluous excuses for girls to demand their boyfriends be extra romantic for a day which, not being a romantic herself, didn't interest her in the slightest.

Then she got to Japan. An evil grin began spreading across her face as she read the fine details of that nations tradition for the holiday, and what followed on White Day.

She wasn't a romantic, but a girl could never get enough free chocolate at the cost of baffling their friend for her own amusement, now how to rope Heero into this?

As the Deathscythe's pilot broke out into what she assumed were manic giggles in her room, the Wing's pilot stopped his leisurely stroll across campus and felt a shiver run down his spine.

Blinking the Japanese boy glanced about in confusion before carrying on shaking his head slowly, "Odd.." was all he muttered after that.

* * *

 _ **Later That Day**_

While Duo combed out her hair she reflected on how glad she was that Heero was off being his usual antisocial self and hiding from her. Well she assumed his absence meant he was hiding from her, since apparently too much time near her made him twitchy, which was both amusing and useful for her current plans.

His habit of avoiding that which he did not understand had in fact enabled her to go off and make chocolate to gift to Heero, which turned out to be surprisingly more difficult than she expected. Who knew that you couldn't just toss chocolate into a saucepan directly over a flame without burning it? Really it worked for canned chili and you know, they both had beans in them after all so it should have worked out well enough.

Eh, regardless after several hours of scalding chocolate and ruining a kitchen that she was soooo glad was not hers, Duo acquired a box of decent looking if not professionally made candies.

Now she was moving onto the next bit of her plan to surprise him, by dressing up as a normal girl to gift him the chocolates, preferably in public so people could take pictures of his likely befuddlement. Of course she could give it to him as her normal self, but where was the fun in that?

Far better to further bewilder the poor pilot by confronting him with the biggest puzzle he knew of, namely her.

Besides, his look of confusion was just far too adorable! Though surprisingly difficult to get him to make, so she had to milk it while she could.

Now for the setup, she was pretty sure she still had a nice violet sundress buried in her bag that matched her eyes, something simple that would work as a disguise if she ever needed a quick escape. After all, to the majority of the world, Duo Maxwell was a boy. But for now it would work to surprise the other teen. Diligently brushing her hair out rather than weaving it into her signature braid she could only grin in the mirror as she took in the loose chestnut waves falling down her back.

Time to confuse the hell out of one Heero Yuy, payback for her poor Gundam.

Heero shivered once again, for what seemed to be the tenth time this hour alone, growing irritated he was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with him. It was ridiculously warm outside, and yet he felt a chill running down his back, and had been feeling it all day. If he had any understanding of superstitions he would have taken it as a bad sign, but for now he just assumed it was an indication of an impending cold.

It would not be until long after that he would connect it to the antics of his roommate and realize that it should be taken as a signal of upcoming mayhem.

For the time being though he continued walking along the footpath leading to a mostly abandoned courtyard, which he admitted annoyed him slightly. All this wasted space, in the colonies personal space was a luxury, here on Earth it was a frivolity.

He was broken from his reverie when a pretty young woman in a violet sundress stepped before him grinning widely. The first thing he took note of was her long brown hair blowing in the wind, the next was the amused glint in her eyes which oddly matched her dress.

It was the smile though, the smile was distressingly familiar.

"Happy Valentines day Hee-chan!" Thrusting a small box forward Heero accepted it while staring down at the item in confusion, it appeared to be full of some sort of candy.

"Thank, you?"

She grinned even wider in reply, "You're welcome Hee-chan, enjoy, can't wait to see what you get me for White Day!"

Spinning on a tip toe the girl began running away before turning around again, grin reaching Cheshire cat width, "Oh by the way, the showers free now, gotta go buddy!"

As the pretty teenager left his line of sight Heero's eyes widened in horrified shock. THAT had been his obnoxious roommate and fellow Gundam pilot Duo Maxwell, who had only this afternoon revealed herself to be a girl.

And...she had given him chocolates for Valentines Day? What did you even celebrate on Valentines Day? And what was White Day? Was she challenging him to something? What was with the dress?

Wait he thought she was pretty?

No no no, focus. Maxwell was challenging him to something that involved candy, Valentines, and a White Day, he had to figure this out, it was his goal for the day his...

"Mission Accepted."


	5. Mission: White Day

**Know we don't have many readers for this one but I still gotta have a shout out. Lady Lily Anne wrote about a third, of this story as an outline and I just expanded on it. I think she did a great job since I managed to make myself laugh a few times while filling in the blank spaces, which is something I love to have happen.**

 **Anywho, hope you enjoy our little guilty pleasure here, and have a great weekend!**

* * *

Heero Yuy found himself staring blankly at his dorm room's ceiling, yet that was not really anything new, rather it was the thoughts that were occupying his mind that had him at a complete loss.

He had accepted the mission of White Day from his mischievous roommate after a few moments of confusion, yet at the time he had not exactly known what it was.

Not that he was any closer at the moment to finding answers to this baffling turn of events.

Asking his ' _classmates_ ' had led to two furiously blushing and giggling girls, who reminded him disturbingly of Relena, and an odd expression of pity from a fellow male.

His honest sigh of 'You poor bastard' had been as off putting as his sympathetic pat on Heero's back as he walked away whilst shaking his head in commiseration.

This turn of events had left Heero with a dreadful sense of foreboding and that of being far in over his head.

Finally giving in on the human element of reconnaissance Heero had resorted to Google, and much to his disdain had acquired his answer.

Giving a gift in return, worth three times as much as the gift received? Was it a matter of three times the value or three times the amount? Or three times the effort?

He sighed in exasperation as he considered the simple fact that dealing with women, namely Relena and Duo, dragged more emotion out of him in a day than he had to deal with in years.

After a moments thought he decided to simply triple the number of pieces of chocolate that had been given to him. God knows Duo didn't care much about quality unless it was related to firearms or high explosives regardless. So that meant he had to make thirty pieces of edible chocolate in less than a month. And he couldn't buy it from a store, too many people had access to it thus risking poison. Which left him with no choice but making it himself.

"This will not end well," he muttered.

* * *

Sometimes, most times, Heero Yuy hated being right, it was the end result of being an unrepentant realist and he unfortunately had little experience being wrong on the subject.

Because low and behold, true to his words, it did not end well at all.

Five hours after accepting his current mission the closest kitchen to the dorms had been commandeered by Heero for his first practice attempts.

To say those attempts led to charcoal chocolate and explosions splattered across the ceiling of the kitchen would be generous at best. It was a good thing that no one had known of his presence in said kitchen, otherwise he might have had to clean it all up himself, which honestly would have most likely led him to simply burn the house down for expediencies sake. Thankfully all he had to do was remove any DNA evidence while simply leaving the mess behind, hoping that no one outside the maid would notice.

They were a messy class, she never did notice, and that is why you actually pay the help what they're worth.

Cheapskates, really what are they even thinking?

Regardless, three weeks of exploding chocolate and a permanently stained ceiling later, Heero had finally managed to accomplish what he was beginning to think of as impossible.

How was it that destroying Leos worth multi-billions was easier than making chocolate in the end? He had no idea and truthfully did not want an answer.

On top of that somehow, without any input from Duo or himself, Heero's unsupervised exploits in the kitchen had led to the creation of a new school myth; that of a girl who had committed suicide for being rejected on Valentine's Day, and haunted that particular kitchen for the entire month up until White Day every year.

Heero of course remained oblivious to this myth, up until Duo connected the dots a few years later and went into hysterics over it, much to his dismay. Thus was the price one paid for being best friends with the God of Death who happened to also be a complete juvenile when it came to humor.

Despite all pressures against said creation though, Heero had made the chocolate, now all that was left was packaging and decoration. Much as he wanted to just shove it all into a random box and call it a day, the thought of the mocking he would endure from Duo forced him to think up how to make it pretty. If only to remind her of that cute violet dress she wore just for him.

No it wasn't cute, it was annoying.

Shut. Up. Brain.

So a trip to the mall it was, and he soon found himself staring at the marble and glass effigies in confusion before a sense of dread ran down his spine.

Oh hell, Red Alert.

"Heero! Where are you? I know you're here, why are you hiding from me?!"

The Wing pilot ducked into the closest, most cluttered store in the mall trying to hide from that pink menace. He should have known that if he wasn't disguising himself thoroughly, that she would find him.

Look natural. That was the key.

It was a clothing...no..fabric store, and that didn't help him in the slightest.

"Of course I'm in Japan there couldn't be a gun store I could duck into, only pretty frilly lace and silk..."

He was so out of his league right now, yet hearing Relana's increasingly irritated cries he shuffled further down the aisles trying to look interested.

"Are you looking for something specific young man?"

Heero would never admit it, but the very overweight nearsighted woman who seemed to materialize by his side very nearly made him screech in panic.

Thankfully he was a professional, thank you very much.

"I'm looking for something to wrap a present for my friend, it is for...White Day..."

The creepy woman smiled in turn, "Oh? What is she to you?"

"Annoying," he spat out at once, before tilting his head to the side, "and...endearing... I do not know how to describe it further. I do not...dislike her..."

The woman chuckled at that while gesturing to fabrics behind her, "And what does your annoying yet endearing friend look like?"

Heero's brows furrowed at that.

What did that matter to the mission? Sighing he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before responding, "Violet eyes, brown hair, slight frame, cheeky grin, and...she's just...nice..."

The fat woman smiled a moment, a motion that made her look like a toad if Heero were to be honest, before gesturing beside her towards a rack of ribbons.

"Anything here remind you of her?"

Heero was about to turn away, confidant that Relena had finally left the area when he paused, noticing a length of violet ribbon trimmed with elegant white lace.

For some reason it screamed 'Duo' to him, only thing it was missing was bullet prints across it's surface.

"Yes, I'd like a yard of that, and..."

"And?" The woman replied in kind.

"And...do you have any pastel purple boxes that could hold a few dozen chocolates?"

Really though, why not? If he was going to buy a present and avoid Relena all at once, why not take advantage of the situation?

* * *

Duo, despite her antics, hadn't actually expected much of a response from Heero. Really, why would any woman expect anything from a freaking Terminator, regardless of how cute he was being all super soldiery and the like.

"Huh..." Duo quirked a brow at that thought as she tilted her head to the side, "I think he's cute when he's all murderous? Well...find out something new about yourself every day I suppose..."

All that being said, when the door opened and Heero stepped in Duo had to immediately shout out, "Just because you're murderous doesn't mean your cute!"

The look on her buddies face made it completely worth it.

Heero froze in mid motion and tilted his head to the side in confusion before replying, "O...k... I have your White Day gift ready, if that is acceptable?"

Well damn, she hadn't actually expected him to go through with it...or even know what it had been about to begin with. Did he use Google too? Wait...what did it matter? Gah, pointless thoughts!

A flummoxed moment later she muttered "Well he's the perfect soldier after all so I shouldn't be surprised..." and hopped off her bed to accept the offered gift.

It was a purple box wrapped in a ribbon that was...the exact same shade as her eyes, Duo glanced towards Heero who looked a bit nervous so she decided to unwrap the ribbon gently and placed it in her pocket for later. If it ended up becoming a hair tie at some point no would say anything about it.

Or else.

Plucking the lid off the box Duo let out a laugh as she snatched one of the chocolates held within and tossed it into her mouth, grinning she turned back to Heero while grinning brightly.

"Dude Hershey Kisses would have been fine, you didn't need to make these for me."

Heero shrugged in return before glancing to his side, "You went out of your way, and so I went out of mine. I returned the favor."

"And the ribbon?"

Heero froze, then glanced at Duo while shifting about uncomfortably a moment before responding, "It reminded me of you..."

Duo, still chewing chocolates smiled widely before leaning in and kissing Heero's cheek lightly, "That's adorable, don't ever stop that, seriously. We need adorable boys being adorable, it's what makes the world go round."

With that Duo snatched up the remaining box of chocolates and bounced back down the hall while Heero touched his still moist cheek. Eventually he muttered "All right then," and decided it was time to go run a diagnostic on Wing.

Weapons Diagnostics made far more sense than women regardless, which was an oddly comforting thought.


End file.
